Meet the Sullivans: One Year & Beyond - Another Baby?

August 14, 2014

One Year & Beyond - Another Baby?

Today is the sixth week of our One Year & Beyond series. This week we are discussing how we all figure out when it's time to have a second child and how we answer the most awkward question you can ask parents...
 
The question hanging there is absolutely the most awkward question I get asked these days. O is 2 1/2, and people have been asking us when we'll have another baby for quite some time now. You'd think that after being asked it a handful of times I'd know how what to say, but I still struggle with exactly how I want to answer it. Should I be honest, and dramatic, and drop the bomb on the question asker and give them all the details of exactly where we're at with baby #2? Should I smile and tell them we're not ready yet (which would be a total lie)? Or just play it cool, go the vague route and just say "We hope so!" and leave it at that? I usually go the vague route. It's safe. No one will leave the conversation feeling like they got more than they asked for, or feeling bad for probing, and I get to keep my privacy.



I know I'm guilty of asking the question myself. I've asked people I know and love the very question that breaks my heart each time it's asked. Even though I know some of them probably didn't mind, and my question didn't bother them. I want to apologize to the people who were hurt by it. It was none of my business to ask. Really, you never know what's going on in someone's home, their marriage, their heart, their body, their private life. There is so much more to having children than just wanting them.

So where are we at exactly? Where waiting, and hoping, and I hope that in a few months I'll have some happy news to share. We've had what's probably way more than our fair share of losses in the last 18 months, and right now I'm just trying to soak up my time with O and hope that someday soon he'll get to be a big brother. That's what I worry about the most, him growing up without a little comrade.

Now to answer the question of how you know when it's time to start thinking about having another child. It's really different for everyone, but we knew it was time to start trying to have another baby when things with O became less stressful and he became more easy going. We can take him almost anywhere, he's become a great little helper, so I can see that he will be ready to be a (really fantastic) big brother!

  
Hopefully you can relate to all of these Baby #2 talks this week! Check out the other mama's blogs for even more! And be sure to link up with us below if you also have a post on this.

July 10: Keeping your marriage alive with a toddler
July 17: Favorite summer toddler activities
July 24: Helping Your Toddler to Communicate (Words, emotions, etc.)
July 31: Dealing with Separation Anxiety
Aug 7: Car Trip Necessities
Aug 14: Deciding when the time is right for baby #2 (and/or how to handle these questions)
Aug 21: Tricks for eating out with your toddler
Aug 28: Feeling confident as a mom (How to feel this way, Your struggle with, etc.)

12 comments:

Jess Scott said...

Great post and so true for so many of us!! Cam just turned 2 and friends and family alike have started asking us...do I be uber blunt and say "We're trying!" or just laugh it off? Do people really want to know that we are having sex as often as possible in hopes of getting pregnant? Ha! Maybe if I gave them an answer like that, they would stop asking. :) xo

Whitney said...

So sorry you are dealing with this! But glad you are optimistic...your time will come! O will be such a cute big brother.

the girl in the red shoes said...

Couldn't have put it better myself. We are in the exact same boat. Love you friend! I know Owen will be the best big brother.

Jamie @ The Jamie's + 1 said...

Visiting from the link up. Great post!! I love how optimistic you are, truly wish more people were that way!! Can't wait to follow along with all the good things that are to come!

Meghan said...

Thank you for sharing this. I too, had a loss after my first. (Only one loss… but it rocked my world at the time.) I just want to encourage you and let you know that we were blessed with an unexpected pregnancy after our loss and our #2 felt like such a gift from The Lord. It was HIs timing and I am reminded of that every time I look at her. Such a gift! I am hopeful that your #2 will feel the same way. You are an amazing Momma! Thanks for sharing your heart this morning.

Jessica said...

Colleen, you are not alone! We recently decided to try for a sibling for our sweet boy - who is 15 months - and unfortunately miscarried. Our second loss. It's so hard. And so sad. And so difficult to know what to say when people ask. Wishing you the very best, and hope to see good news from you guys very soon! :)

Tawnya Faust said...

Great post, Colleen. I'm sorry to hear that you've had your fair share of losses in the past 18 months, it's so hard to deal with those and I am sure when the time is right you will be blessed with a baby brother or sister for Owen. PS that gummy smile in the second photo just melts me!!

All the best xo

Leah @ Everyday Love said...

It hurts my heart to hear you guys have had a hard time on your journey to a second baby. Sending hugs and prayers your way. xo

Courtney said...

I'm sorry for your losses, Colleen. I'm sure you know it's been a rough road for us trying to bring a baby #2 into the world too. It's so unfair and it's SO hard.

If you ever want to chat feel free to email me.

Laura Marie Keenan said...

I have been thinking about you! Trying to conceive (and the losses) are so hard to deal with. I have become increasingly angry & frustrated. We are waiting on some blood test results, and should find out soon if we will need to use fertility drugs again. Just know you are not alone! :-)

Laura {happily ever} Parker said...

I am so sorry you have had to deal with loss. I think so many people don't realize how insensitive the question is when they ask it. Wishing you some happy news to share with your family (and us!) soon!

Courtney B said...

Oh momma! I'm so sorry you've experienced loss and pain :( But I'm with you on the vague answer!! I just don't want to leave it open for discussion and be able to live my life without having to explain my every thought because really, it's MY family!